Finding Without Looking

Romans 10:20 quotes Isaiah 65:1. Isaiah, speaking for God says, "I was found by people who were not looking for me. I showed myself to those who were not asking for me."

Romans 10 is my chapter this month. God uses all sorts of things in my life to point me to truth, to point me to Himself. This verse, every single time I read it, reminds me of the emotions I had when Stephanie was born.

I was in a depressed funk throughout my pregnancy right up to delivery. To my awareness, I was not looking for God, although there clearly was a void in my life. I was totally me-centered, not looking or asking for God's help in my life.

But when Stephanie's warm body was laid in my arms, everything changed: I found God when I was not looking for Him. He showed Himself to me when I didn't even ask. It was a powerful watershed moment, -- profoundly spiritual and emotional. Instantly my hard heart began to crumble and a soft tenderness swelled within me.

Stephanie is nearly 22. I've had 22 years of growing in my faith and God still deals personally and intimately with me. As I read His Word, he makes it personal, continuing to challenge and chasten me. He also envelopes me in his warm tender compassion, just like I did for my baby Stephanie. Stephanie laid still and secure in my arms, trusting and dependent on me. I think there's a picture there of how God wants me to respond to His love.

I've seen how personal and powerful God is. I've been the beneficiary of His kind compassionate mercy, his gentle leading, his burning branding iron, his skillful surgical knife. I've enjoyed the gracious love of my Father and His painful just discipline as well.

Today, I thank Him again for showing Himself to this 19-year-old petulant, demanding depressed paragon of self-centeredness.

And Stephanie, she's still teaching me and pointing me to a loving God who promises to complete the work he's begun in both of us. (Philippians 1:6)